


Green is Not a Creative Colour

by musicanova



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: ??? - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Dog BB-8, Fluff and Crack, Leia and Carrie are one and the same, M/M, Meet-Cute, Nosy neighbour Leia Organa, POV Poe Dameron, Pansexual Poe Dameron, Poe really hates the colour green but don't blame him, Tinder mishaps, and y'all thought i seemed like a diligent writer, blame the second gen mazda 2s, this fic is now just over 2 years late would you look at that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-05 23:46:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13398831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musicanova/pseuds/musicanova
Summary: It starts with a green, Second-Generation Mazda 2 Maxx.(Also known as Poe is stupid, but it's okay because so is Finn.)





	Green is Not a Creative Colour

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CalamitosumNoctis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CalamitosumNoctis/gifts).



> This is for Midnight, I'm 3000 years late but please accept this little thing! 
> 
> I walked past a car a couple years back that had a message under the windscreen wiper that just read “Sorry! Call me at xxx-xxx-xxx” and the trash in me started screaming, causing the birth of this fic.

“‘Go on Tinder, it’ll be fun!’ she said. ‘Go on Tinder, I’m sure you’ll find the perfect match!’ she said.”

Yes, cue the record scratch and yes, cue that damn freeze frame, because really, even Poe Dameron, the man himself, is wondering how on Earth he could have gotten into this situation.

At current, one lone man (the aforementioned Poe Dameron) stands, pacing around his bedroom (or not, since it’s a freeze frame), imitating his neighbour in a high-pitched, nasally tone as he sneers down at his phone. He feels stupid. He should never have listened to Leia’s advice in the first place. The woman was in her mid-sixties, for crying out loud! What did Poe think she knew about online dating?

Now he’s gone and ruined it all. He’s just grateful that Tinder doesn’t have a review section where this girl he’s inadvertently stood up can leave him half a star and a harsh comment to tarnish his online reputation. 

Then he _really_ wouldn’t be able to find himself a perfect match.

Now, the problem with being Poe Dameron is, that he’s so great that everyone wants to be his friend. And Poe doesn’t mind that. In fact he loves it; friends are great! But the thing is – when everyone wants to be your friend, no one wants to be your lover.

And that’s a problem for Poe, because putting aside the ever-lovable Bea that keeps his bed warm for him while he’s away and lets him snuggle into her fur at the end of a long day, Poe is very, irrevocably, _irrefutably_ lonely.

With a capital L. 

He hasn’t dated since freaking _high school_ , like some pathetic-

Okay, stop that thought, there’s no shame in that, it’s just the loneliness talking. But even so! Why does everyone only want to be his damn friend? For God’s sake even _Ben_ - _call-me-Kylo_ from Econ 204 has a boyfriend!

Or had, he supposes. He doesn’t really know what happened to that guy since graduating from university.

The point is just that that aloof arsehole managed to find someone before Poe.

So, it was with great resignation that Poe Dameron downloaded Tinder, his nosy neighbour tittering about over his shoulder and getting all excited about finding him a good lay.

A _good lay_. That his _sixty-five-year-old neighbour wanted to find for him_.

Apparently, he needed to find a good lay _first_ , just to make sure he wasn’t rusty, before hopping back on the app to find himself someone to make him an honest man.

Admittedly, Poe should’ve been running far, far away at even the mere mention of this, but there’s something convincing about the way that Leia grips her hand on your shoulder, very carefully pushes you back down onto the sofa, and commands your hand to unlock your phone.

Convincing.

Ha. 

So now reverse that record scratch, unfreeze the frame, and what do we have? 

Poe Dameron, 24, no longer pacing, but looking down at an angry notification from Tinder that reads, _thanks for [redacted] standing me up, [redacted]._

(Just a heads up, the above words aren’t actually redacted, Poe would just sincerely prefer to never repeat such a violent stringing of words that leaves nothing of the cause of his death to his imagination.) 

And all for a simple misunderstanding too!

The girl had suggested stargazing at 12:30, how was he supposed to know that meant “pick me up around lunch time so we can go to the planetarium” rather than “let’s go to the park at midnight”?

It’s been two hours since he’s received the aforementioned violent message, and now Poe doesn’t quite have the balls to knock on her door in the dead of the night like he’d thought they’d planned to do. While Poe prides himself in being a risk-taker that’s ready to tackle life’s hardships to the ground, he’s a little too much of a coward to face this problem. 

He knows she’s read all of his apology texts. He’s come to learn over time that the girl is rather anal when it comes to notifications and can’t stand the sight of that little red bubble in the corner. That is, of course, if she hasn’t just up and turned notifications off altogether.

Damn Tinder and not having read receipts.

It strikes him at that moment that he should’ve already figured out things weren’t going to last anyway. Now that he thinks about it, they’ve met up with each other multiple times and sure they’ve had some fun, but they never even exchanged phone numbers. With Tinder as their sole form of communication, how could anything remotely good be born?

Still, Poe feels infinitely guilty. He’s caused someone a lot of pain just because he didn’t have the common sense to reiterate their plans together.

With a sigh, he picks up his keys to head down to the local florist. He’ll write a note to leave at her doorstep.

But as things turn out, Poe Dameron is quite considerably more of a coward than he had previously thought of himself to be.

Now that he’s actually reached the apartment block, he can’t get himself to take a step towards the building to even think of leaving the flower and note at the doorstep.

He’s saved, however, as he takes careful steps through the car park, when he spots a very familiar-looking Second-Generation Mazda 2 Maxx. A very familiar _green_ Second-Generation Mazda 2 Maxx, to be exact. 

That damn 2008 model that took the world by storm and Poe hasn’t stopped seeing out of the corner of his eye for years.

That damn 2008 model that even haunts him in his dreams because of how many times he’s seen it.

 _That_ damn 2008 model that _she-who-must-not-be-named_ , amongst some few, say, millions of other people in their approximate age range, owns.

But today, Poe is happy to see this green Second-Generation Mazda 2 Maxx. Because, you see, this car has now saved him from having to walk into the apartment. Instead, he can leave the lone flower along with the note under the windscreen wiper, and slink back to the safety of his own home with his right hand, dick, balls and left eye and earlobe intact.

(Yes, those five body parts have something to do with the redacted words from a previous text message you might remember.)

With that, Poe Dameron disappears into the sunset in his ugly-arse, temporary Suzuki Ignis.

Don’t comment on it; he’s still hurting over what happened to his poor baby Audi.

~*~

There’s no response. 

Not that Poe’s exactly surprised, per se, but he’d hoped that his little handwritten “I’m so sorry! Call me at xxx-xxx-xxxx” would have at least evoked some sort of… _something_. He’d left the prettiest little rose with it as well. He only hopes the flower hasn’t been torn to shreds in anger.

It’s at that moment that he realises he’d completely forgotten to write his name on the note. But then and again, who else could she possibly think it was? Unless this girl secretly had many suitors that she was trialling before seeing which one would be best for her.

In which case, Poe has definitely failed miserably and will not be proceeding to the next stage.

But does he want to with a girl like that?

Poe puts his phone aside to clear his mind on some TV. It won’t do well to dwell too long on this.

It turns out to be an unsuccessful mission when moments later the voices coming from the TV are drowned out by his telephone ringing.

It’s an unknown number, which he can’t lie excites him a little, but now that he’s received a call he realises he doesn’t know if he actually wanted a response.

Nonetheless, after a little hesitation he picks up, putting the phone on speaker phone because he’s too lazy to hold it up to his ear.

 _“Hello?”_ a voice calls out.

A voice that is very manly and most certainly not-

_“Hey are you there? My sister found this note on my car when she came home last night and it said…”_

The guy’s words drown out. So that wasn’t her car? She’d driven out to his place in her brother’s car on their second date?

_“…anyway we were just wondering what you were apologising for. We uh, we come from a long line of mechanics and whatever, so we’ve kind of been fiddling around with it to see if you’ve stolen any parts for your own usage or something but everything’s here so I can’t really see what you’d be apologising for.”_

“Uh,” is all Poe is able to say.

_“Oh yeah, and who are you? Just because you know, you didn’t put your name on the little card thing. You wouldn’t mind letting me know, would you? The rose is really nice, my sister’s already put it in a vase.”_

“I am so sorry,” is the first thing Poe manages to get out. “I must’ve put it on the wrong car.”

After a beat of silence, the guy on the other side responds.

_“That would make sense, yeah. Was kinda questioning why you’d apologise to a stranger with a rose for no apparent reason. I really regret buying that car now. Had no idea how damn popular it was gonna get.”_

Poe laughs. 

“Well now that you’ve called me and I’ve got time on my hands,” he starts.

 _“Yes please! I would love to chat with you,”_ rushes an eager voice from the other side. _“Rey is_ always _nagging me about how I don’t have enough friends.”_

“Not to sound strange or anything but you’re not talking about… I mean you said long line of mechanics and I just thought… You’re not talking about Rey as in I-can-force-this-bridge-to-stand-by-itself Rey? Rey I-won’t-let-the-professor-tell-me-my-calculations-are-wrong-when-they-work Rey?”

The guy on the phone chuckles breathlessly before getting out a, _“I see you knew her in her I’m-a-mechanical-prodigy phase from first year of uni.”_

“Yeah, we had a class or two together back then. If you’re the ever-elusive brother dearest that means you’re,” Poe pauses to think back to his university days, “Finlay?”

 _“Dear lord is that what she was telling people my name was?”_ Supposedly-Finlay yelps. _“My name’s Finn, plain and simple.”_

“Well Finn, nice to meet you.”

Poe doesn’t want to exaggerate or anything but it’s the start of a beautiful friendship. 

~*~

Months roll past Poe and before he can realise it, the infamous Tinder girl has been completely wiped from his mind.

Him and Finn become fast friends, almost as fast as the speed Finn talks at when he’s flustered or in a frenzy, and he comes to visit often with Rey in tow.

Over time Leia pokes her head in more often, hawk eyes observing Poe’s new friends.

Which would be fine if it were just the fact that she was like a protective mother who wanted to know that Poe was making friends with the right kinds of people (no drugs, no guns, no mafia), but unfortunately Poe knows much, much better than that.

“That Rey girl’s not for you,” she says as she takes a long sip of iced tea, Finn and Rey having just left Poe’s house to go to some self-enriching seminar that their father had enrolled them into. “Think I’ll take her for myself.”

“You are _married_! And might I remind you, more than double her age.”

“Love knows no boundaries, young one,” Leia cackles at him, before adding a quick, “I think Han would like her too.”

“Oh you mean- you mean you want to _adopt_ her like a motherly kind of love I-” Poe sighs. “You really need to phrase that differently it sounded like you wanted to get it on with her.”

Leia gives him a smile like as if she actually means both forms of love (but she has to be joking because Leia is the sweetest(?) woman who is absolutely not a paedophile) and swiftly places the tea cup down on the coffee table to change the course of their conversation.

“If I take Rey you can have Finn,” she says, ever so nonchalantly.

Poe splutters on his own spit, desperately trying to grasp for words.

“What makes you think I would want to take Finn?” he gasps out when his mind can finally come up with a fully-formed sentence.

“That’s a response unlike you. Usually you’d say something about the way that I’ve talked about people like as if they were objects that could be owned.”

Leia has an eyebrow raised. It’s Eyebrow Raise #7, the one that means she knows something you don’t want her to know.

“It’s alright, darling. Let Mama Leia take care of this one. That boy will be on his knees for you in no time.”

Poe hopes she means in the marriage sense.

“I’ll help him pick out the ring.” 

Thank _God_.

~*~

 She gets to work right away.

Poe had honestly thought Leia would have more tact than this, but she’s not the least bit subtle. Maybe because it doesn’t concern her own love life.

“So Finn, how do you like my dear son here?” she bats her eyelashes a little, and Poe can’t even find the energy to butt in that they’re not related in the least.

“He’s a wonderful friend, Leia,” Finn answers truthfully.

“Just friend?”

Poe wants Bea to swallow him whole, dig him a grave in his backyard and spit him out in said grave. Not that she’d do it, but it’s the feeling such imagination evokes. If he’s going to be prematurely laid to rest from embarrassment, he at least wants to be with his beloved Bea, who consequently turns out to be just about the only person he can trust right now.

(Activate mode: glare at Leia for five minutes straight.)

“I thought you met because Poe gave you a rose! Surely you don’t think that he wanted you to only be his friend.”

Poe stands up, knocking his chair to the ground and desperately trying to clamp Leia’s mouth shut by some force of nature.

“Am I doing something wrong?” Leia pulls on her most innocent look, the one that Poe knows got her out of going to jail that one time she was caught sneaking into the hospital to break out this little baby that she’d seen being mistreated. _Technically_ it was a good cause, but she still broke into a hospital and stole a child, so.

(Poe has a sneaking suspicion that it was Han who was the Policeman that gave in after Leia used that look, but he doesn’t want to get bitch-slapped by the man to the next galaxy, so he’s decided to not ask.)

“I’ve watched the Bachelor on TV! I’m cool with the kids! Trust me on this one, Finn darling.”

The entire table turns scarlet.

Except for Leia, of course. 

“I need to use the bathroom,” Rey whispers.

What a wimp. Like as if this experience was harmful to her mental health in any way. It should be Poe that has to go to the bathroom! He just had his sixty-whatever-year-old neighbour confess his heart-stopping crush to, well, his crush!

“Well if Rey’s taken the bathroom and I need to take a piss, might as well water the flowers in the backyard.”

There are better ways he could have handled that.

~*~

He’s not surprised when he comes back from the backyard having not peed to find that Leia and Rey have excused themselves out of the house, leaving Finn to fiddle with his glass of water.

“Apparently they needed mother-daughter bonding time,” Finn stutters. “Leia was very adamant about it.”

Poe chuckles, a nervous one, before taking a seat across from Finn. 

“Your parents wouldn’t mind her adopting Rey, would they? She sure seems keen for it.”

There’s a moment of silence that follows, like as if Finn can’t tell if Poe is joking or not (he wishes he was but he can’t be sure), before he bursts out into laughter. It’s contagious, and Poe is glad for it.

They cackle, and cackle, and cackle, and when they’ve calmed down it’s to both of them clutching their poor, sore stomachs. Although by the time they’re done they have no idea what it was they were laughing so hard about, Poe can safely say that the tension has dissipated.  

“Okay, not gonna lie though, I totally wouldn’t mind it if you wanted to date me.”

Poe has no idea what overcame him, but he thinks maybe Leia didn’t truly go off with Rey for a mother-daughter bonding experience, and actually left her spirit behind to consume Poe and make him say impulsive things he wasn’t planning on saying for at least another month. 

“Good to know,” is all Finn says back, and with that he stands up, excuses himself with a small bow and walks straight out of the front door.

Unfortunately, because Finn left the house, Poe isn’t able to see the breakdown he caused.

(Lots of swearing, lots of incoherent babbling, lots of clutching heads in hands, lots of shaking Rey’s shoulders and yelling, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.)

~*~

Poe’s house is empty for a week. There are no friends, and no nosy neighbours. Only Bea, the sudden swarm of bees that have taken interest in his flowers, and the postman that delivered his online shopping haul that he really shouldn’t have done. 

It’s kind of lonely, he has to admit. He never realised how much of a life he didn’t have up until now. Sure, he does have friends outside of Finn and Rey (and Leia, he supposes), but they’re not the type of people he’d just invite over to hang out at his house, especially not after he had to sell his X-Box.

(It was to pay for when Bea got sick once, alright? He’d give up anything for her. Besides, why buy another one when Snap has every video game console known to man?)

It’s a Sunday morning when Poe decides to get out of the house for something other than work. There’s some fancy market 30 minutes out of town, and Poe could deal with some decadent pampering right about now, even though he doesn’t _really_ have the money for it. He’s sure Bea would appreciate some handmade dog treats as well, right?

He gets dressed and blows a kiss to Bea as he shuts the door, trying to put a spring in his step as he walks to the car.

As per routine, he unlocks the car and reaches for the door, but he stops short when he sees something red stuck under his windscreen wiper.

It’s a rose, Poe would know, he bought one for a certain someone he’d erased from his mind months and months ago.

There’s a note with it, one in familiar handwriting with a familiar-looking phone number on it, because Poe is pathetic and he memorises the phone numbers of people he’s fallen hopelessly in love with.

Hopelessly in _like_ with, sorry.

He’s not in love.

“Okay, not gonna lie though,” a voice says from behind Poe, startling him, “I totally wouldn't mind it if you said yes when I ask you on a date.”

He lied.

He’s in love.

“I totally would say yes,” he says, breathless.

It’s a nice moment, out in front of Poe’s house, the two of them standing beside Poe’s car and kind of lost in each other’s eyes. 

It’s a nice moment, until it’s not.

“Just kiss already!” Leia yells from over the fence, accompanied by a gruff affirmative from Han.

The two startle, and there’s a distant giggle heard that probably belongs to Rey, wherever it is that she’s hiding. 

“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” Leia begins chanting, waving a hand-painted poster with their names on it, covered in wonky little hearts.

And who was Poe to ever say no to Leia?

**Author's Note:**

> Wow that was nerve-wracking! I haven't posted a one-shot in literal ages!   
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> (Fic title from Don't Hug Me I'm Scared)


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